Student B
LOVE AND DEDICATION
My family comes across to many of my friends as well~off, well, that’s what I thought until I started seeing that what keeps us together is love for one another and hard work. Other families, people, communities etc face the same difficulties we face. We don’t always get along and we’re not always certain of how to move forward. This feeling of despair is the same feeling I felt one particular night in June 2006. My dad had recently been diagnosed with diabetes and had overcome a frightening episode in hospital. But now things were looking better and he and my mom went out to a function that evening. To my siblings and myself, our parents were amazing, not always “cool” though, but they tried and this we knew. Things between them had been rough for sometime but I was away in boarding school, my sisters, on the other hand, were at home and grew this silent despair that hung over our once joyful family. Then that night, I was happy until Anza opened the door for my mom later and there she was with swollen eyes, a broken nose and tears streaming down her face. We were in shock, disbelief… “Mummy, what’s wrong? What happened?” we interrogated her, then she just walked into her room and my dad came in with scratch marks and blood on his face and clothes…
The night my dad hit my mom for the first time ever in their relationship was surely one of the scariest and eye-opening moments of my life. My sister had urged me to be strong since I was writing mid-year matric exams. Throughout our lives our mom had tried to cultivate a spirit of independence in us, a pride in womanhood. Both my elder sister and myself were survivors of different accounts of sexual abuse. Hers was more recent and mine for some years as a child. But despite this Mummy and Daddy was the pillar of strength encouraging their daughters to rise above circumstance to determine future. Now it was their turn to practice what they preached. We could overcome, as a family. But there were questions … is it still woman abuse if he hits you after 22 years of marriage for the first time? Will you stay for the children? will he hit you again ….
For me, healing and acceptance came from God and from the words of perseverance my parents had shared with us. Selflessness is crucial in situations that impact a community and so how “we” heal comes over how “I” feel.
1posed the case at home as an anonymous set case scenario to my friends at school. Initially I realised I was being selfish; 1didn’t want my parents to get divorced in matric – or ever! But Mummy made me see that this wasn’t only about me. As important as self is a sense of family and time to heal became rightfully epitomized. My friends all said they would leave their husbands. We spoke about Women’s Rights and about the strength of relationships. It was wrong what Husband (anonymity) beat Wife, but faith in God heals all. They first decided that if he laid his hand on them, they’d leave. But then we thought about it, what’s more powerful? Pain and surrender or love and healing? Underneath it all what did matter the most is that Mummy was able to restore herself and Daddy prepared to take responsibility for his actions. As young women, the daughters, our responsibility was to empower our inner selves and those around us. Right and wrong, in this case wasn’t as obvious as black and white. But following our hearts was crucial in any relationship – romantic or not.
Not every woman is as brave as my mother, not every man is as courageous as my dad to apologise, to have those pictures of her bruised face taken and set in their room to remind them where they’re coming from. Six months later, we haven’t forgotten but we remember and press on with ambition, I believe that ifwe could all act that way in life, not being submissive but empowered an4 willing to talk things through – life would not be easy, but it would mean acceptance of the past and improvement of the future. As it is, I don’t have all the answers and after that I clearly understand that not everything is black and white (right and wrong). But with love and dedication to one another and a better cause there is no other way but forward.
